What do you know about Emotional Intelligence (EI)? Where did you learn about EI? How do you use EI to perform better at work or to increase productivity of employees?
If you don’t have solid answers for the above questions, then you have some work to do! Start by reading through this blog article about EI and the positive impact it has on relationships, workplaces, business, and bottom line.
Let’s get a working definition of EI so we’re all on the same page about its meaning, and how to recognize EI in ourselves and others.
What is Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. Emotional intelligence is generally said to include a few skills: namely emotional awareness, or the ability to identify and name one’s own emotions; the ability to harness those emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problem solving; and the ability to manage emotions, which includes both regulating one’s own emotions when necessary and helping others to do the same.I really like this definition; it feels all-encompassing to me. But we can look at another, said a bit differently, to fully capture this concept here. Positive Psychology defines EI like this:
Emotional intelligence forms the juncture at which cognition and emotion meet, it facilitates our capacity for resilience, motivation, empathy, reasoning, stress management, communication, and our ability to read and navigate a plethora of social situations and conflicts. EI matters, and, if cultivated, affords one the opportunity to realize a more fulfilled and happy life.
Where Intelligence meets Emotional Experience & Response
“Where cognition and emotion meet.” That’s a great sum-up line! We think about our thinking (biases, judgments, core beliefs, mindset, values) AND we think about our emotions (activations, intensity, reactivity, naming specific ones, how we deal with them). See, EI is not the same as experiencing your emotions (that would be somatic recognition and awareness of your emotional state and body/nervous system state at the same time). EI is observing your emotions, and the emotions of others; it’s recognizing emotions accurately (naming them) for yourself, and for others; it’s paying attention to how you respond to your emotions, and how others respond to their emotions (self & other awareness); it’s considering (thinking) how you manage/cope with emotions & choosing effective methods to reduce intensity (stress management and regulation) and to do so before your emotion (or reaction to your emotion) negatively impacts a decision or someone else. We could maybe also say EI is where intelligence (the ability to know and understand something) meets emotional experience (recognition and naming) & response (decision-making).
That seems correct. Emotional intelligence is the WHAT you know, HOW you know you know it, and HOW it influences behavior. Basically, EI is high-level awareness of yourself, and how you come across to others AND high-level awareness of others, and how they come across to others. With this intelligence, folks can make better decisions for themselves, and better decisions for others (if they happen to be in a position where they make decisions for others…a.k.a. parent, leader, manager, politician, Board etc.). It’s the ability to understand where your emotions may influence your judgment, and working to not allow that to happen; to remain objective, empathetic towards others’ and their needs/experiences; to remain level-headed and poised to respond the way you need to; to stay calm and regulated when someone else experiences/expresses emotions so as not to cause further harm; to stay present in the midst of difficult conversations or interpersonal interactions to increase a sense of safety and trust.
Check-in: Who is good at this? Raise your hand, please!
Do you see me? With my hand raised? Ha! 😊 Well, it is true, but let me tell you why. As a social worker and psychotherapist; as an entrepreneur and business owner; as a multiple trauma survivor, I have literally been working on these skills my entire life. And really putting information to practice, learning more, applying that, again and again for the past 20 years through education for my degrees, continued learning for my profession, personal therapy journey for healing, wellness, and brutal self-awareness, interested reading, and countless interpersonal conversations, interactions, and conflict resolutions (and/or solving problems, both mine and others’). I’m EI walking! But only because I have actively engaged in self-awareness, life-long learning, emotional awareness and understanding, doing my own work for a really long time (and not done or stopping yet!), and practicing pretty much constantly in my role as a psychotherapist for adults with mental health diagnoses and disorders, every day for the past 15 years. And most other social workers and therapists are the same! We are literally trained in this!
Emotional Intelligence + Entrepreneurship
Obviously, EI helps me greatly in my work as a therapist. Yet, EI is also extremely valuable in my role as an entrepreneur. Allow me to elaborate. There are five (5) key elements agreed upon to define EI in practical terms. They are: 1) Self-Awareness 2) Self-Regulation 3) Motivation 4) Empathy and 5) Social Skills. Self-awareness is the most important piece of EI, you basically cannot claim EI without self-awareness. Being aware of your emotions, your pitfalls, your strengths & abilities and a willingness to take an honest look at yourself and find ways to improve and grow. Folks, self-awareness ain’t for the faint of heart. It requires some serious self-work (and ongoing self-work) to be aware of ourselves. Most people do, feel, act, say, respond, decide without really considering how they feel, why they feel that way, what they can do with that feeling to reduce its intensity, so that they can be fully present in the world and with others... and when they make decisions. You have to WANT self-awareness to gain self-awareness. Self-regulation a close second because what good does it do to be aware of our emotions if we can’t regulate them?! Exactly. So, knowing what strategies help you reach a ventral (regulated, balanced, emotional equilibrium) state is vital. Motivation in this sense is ability to remain motivated when results are deferred. It’s not getting complacent or lazy when the results are not immediate…including in relationships with others. Empathy usually leads folks into being excellent at managing relationships, listening, and relating to others. Empathy avoids stereotyping and judging too quickly, and those with empathy live their lives in a very open, honest way. Social skills, and specifically, human-centered communication skills are incredibly important to basically do anything in this world, especially in business or entrepreneurship. You WILL be talking and interacting with many different folks, even if you don’t have employees or teammates! EI shows itself by the way someone communicates.
Sensitivity to your own feelings, and the feelings of others (or lack thereof) impacts your communication capabilities in both personal and work life. Self-regulation allows you to manage disruptive emotions, manage conflict, adapt to changes, and take responsibility for your part more easily…and with humility and self-compassion. The ability to self-motivate, with a focus on achieving internal or self-gratification as opposed to external praise or reward will be extremely important as an entrepreneur. Although, building a supportive network is also vital to your success as an entrepreneur, being able to encourage, validate, and move yourself forward are characteristics of successful and satisfied business owners. Having emotional understanding, and using this to build rapport and connect with people through skills such as active listening, verbal and nonverbal communication will serve greatly in networking, professional organizations, attending trainings or workshops, dealing with vendors and contractors, calling customer service or IT, and on and on. As I said before, you WILL be interacting with lots of other people as an entrepreneur, even if you work solo. Understanding how your emotions, behaviors, decision-making impacts others will take you so far when building relationships, of any kind. This awareness is hugely important in network marketing. And, finally (for now), focusing on the impact of EI on your resilience, that is, your ability to cope with stressful conditions, research suggests that those who display higher levels of emotional intelligence are less likely to succumb to the negative impacts of stressors. And there will be stressors if you are an entrepreneur, just ask one you know!
Quick List of how EI improves:
work-related outcomes, management skills and overall job satisfaction
psychological health and well-being (Yes! Better physical and mental health for high EI folks!)
physical health, including somatic complaints and HbA1c levels (blood sugar)
social relationships
stress management
general mood
self-expression
emotional understanding
emotion management
The more that you, as a leader, excel in each of Goleman's five key elements of Emotional Intelligence – self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills – the more effective as a leader you will be.
Emotional Intelligence + Leadership
A leader, any leader, despite role or title, is an effective leader when they can bring the best out of people—maybe better said, when they can bring THEIR best out of people. This would include understanding their strengths/weaknesses, understanding what motivates them and what de-motivates them, understanding their perspective and how their lived experiences impact them and their work. You must employ active listening and empathy to convey worth, value, support, and care for anyone with whom you are interacting (or leading). Everyone is not the same. Even with the same or similar life experiences, people are not the same. Why? Because the impact of those experiences is different for everyone, and based on many individual and nuanced factors, most of which you will probably never know. And this HAS TO BE important to a leader, even if they don’t have the details for each person they speak to or do business with. So, you have to be willing to see each person as an individual, and you will need to value and appreciate each person’s differences to be able to bring their best out of them. And when you bring the best out of people, guess what? Engagement in the work, engagement with the team or management, productivity, job and life satisfaction, and overall physical and mental health are BETTER! This is science, folks! This has been researched! This is not some cockamamie idea that sounds good… this has been studied and proven to be actually good for everyone involved…including the leader! Although it does take work to be EI, even more work to be highly EI, it’s quite literally a win-win-win for everybody.
“Emotional Intelligence is closely related to personal and professional development, it impacts on more than how we manage our behavior and navigate social complexities, it also affects how we make decisions.” (https://positivepsychology.com/importance-of-emotional-intelligence/; viewed on 7/18/2024). We must have an accurate and authentic view of ourselves and our emotions, and why we feel them when we do, to avoid them having a negative impact on our decision-making abilities. Negative, or disruptive, or intense, emotions can prevent good/effective problem-solving and decision making, both in the workplace and personal circumstances. The ability to recognize emotions that are unnecessary to forming a rational decision and having the capacity to effectively disregard said emotions, negating their impact on the final outcome, holds obvious benefits for decision-making processes…even more so if you lead others. EI training assists with understanding potential negative impact, or consequences, to poor decision-making. And, did you know that managers who consistently outperform their peers not only have technical knowledge and experience, but more importantly, they use the strategies associated with EI to manage conflict, reduce stress, and as a result, improve their success, the success of their team, and improve overall workplace culture and satisfaction? Well, now you do know! Plus, what manager doesn’t have to deal with conflict and/or find solutions to issues? Right. If we consider communication in the workplace, and more specifically, conflict resolution in the workplace, individuals with higher emotional intelligence are more likely to approach conflict resolution in a collaborative manner, working together with others in order to effectively reach a mutually acceptable outcome. Yes! This is true for leaders with followers/employees/staff/team, too! It should be commonplace for both (or all) parties to be satisfied with the outcome (even if compromise is in order), and not just the leader, or the business, feeling satisfied with the outcome. If that’s the case, then it’s poor leadership. If that’s the case, then it certainly isn’t emotionally intelligent leadership. And it is absolutely not trauma informed leadership…in the slightest.
Let’s take a look at a typical work scenario through a high EI lens and a low EI lens, and compare outcomes.
Example:
Understanding the causes and consequences of emotions allows an individual to both manage the feeling and make an objective decision. Imagine you have a disagreement with your partner and go to work angry and a little stressed out, later that day you dismiss a proposal from a colleague without really paying attention to what they’re suggesting – you’re just not in the mood.
This form of emotional interference can be detrimental to the decision-making process, those with more developed EI can identify and manage this kind of emotional interference and avoid emotionally-driven decisions.
And I think we all can see that dismissing pertinent work tasks is not the best decision. You know what else isn’t a good decision? Not talking about the situation, or least the emotions you are feeling from the situation (if you don’t want to share a personal situation at work, that’s fine), and how they may be interfering with your thoughts, attention, productivity and/or decision-making today. Why? Because EI also takes into consideration how our emotions impact those around us, even if it doesn’t result in dismissal of pertinent work tasks. And EI supports open, honest, transparent communication about our emotions and their impact on us in this moment. Utilizing any EI skills could, and likely would, improve the outcome in this workplace scenario.
Signs of Emotional Intelligence:
An ability to identify and describe what people are feeling
An awareness of personal strengths and limitations
Self-confidence, self-acceptance and self-compassion
The ability to let go of mistakes, forgive yourself, be kind to yourself
An ability to accept and embrace change, adaptability
A strong sense of curiosity, particularly about other people, value differences
Feelings of empathy and concern for others
Showing sensitivity to the feelings of other people, value and worth of a person
Accepting responsibility for mistakes
The ability to manage emotions in difficult situations
How to practice and build Emotional Intelligence:
Being able to accept criticism and responsibility, taking accountability for your part
Being able to move on after making a mistake, acceptance, self-compassion
Being able to say no when you need to, setting other necessary boundaries
Being able to share your feelings with others, openly, authentically
Being able to solve problems in ways that work for everyone, collaborate, compromise
Having empathy for other people
Having active listening skills
Knowing why you do the things you do
Not being judgmental of others, checking inherent bias
Clarifying a daily intention
Practicing compassionate self-care
Performing an emotional checkup or emotional self-inventory
Slowing down
Creating space for emotions
Asking questions
Being aware of others
Making an effort to connect with others
Apologizing when needed
Beginning and ending the day positively
Thanks for reading :)
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Want more?
Check out this TED Talk by Ruby Bakshi Khurdi on: Learning Human Values via Emotional Intelligence
Check out this List of 21 books to improve EI
Sign up for my monthly newsletter. July’s issue has a FREE E-BOOK for building EI
Want to learn how to improve communication & decision-making skills?
Check out Integrate Trauma Informed Network’s Human-Centered Communication Course
Want a space to practice these skills?
Consider joining Katie Kurtz’s Trauma Informed Learning Studio
OR
Consider joining Integrate Network’s Vetted Trauma Informed Leaders
If you want even more, here is your call to action!
Schedule 1:1 Coaching with Sarah to have a dedicated, private, inclusive & accepting space to dive in to this new skill acquisition
Purchase Sarah’s Trauma Informed Leader Learning Guide for a self-led digital download with exercises for building effective and inclusive leadership skills
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